When Love Doesn't Wait
by Clow'd9
Summary: Clow's POV. What if Eriol prevented Clow from speaking when Yue came to him after the final battle? Clow mourns, Kaho adds her bit, Eriol is totally unsympathetic and in the mean time Touya and Yue grow closer. One shot. Completed.


Okay, here's a one shot angst mostly from Clow's perspective. I'm back in the saddle during a brief holiday so this is just one of the updates I've put up to show you that I'm still alive just buried under University work at the moment.  
  
I've bitched about Kaho a lot but this is my tribute to all my lovely readers who love her. With my thanks and apologies.  
  
I know Japan doesn't celebrate the same national holidays as us but for the sake of the plot THEY DO NOW! I also know Japan is ahead of our time by 9 hours, just try to imagine a time gap in between scene changes.  
  
  
  
When Love Doesn't Wait.  
  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: These characters are NOT mine. This fic IS.  
  
  
  
You don't have to love him, or even like him, to think he's beautiful. Beyond that. Stunning. There are times I wish he wasn't so, that I had created him differently but then I realise it would make no difference, I would still fall in love with him all over again. . .and so would Touya.  
  
I created Yue with a head full of ideals, romantic notions of perfection which I poured into one project, one obsession. Despite all my power I have to say, in all my wild imaginings I NEVER believed my fantasies would become reality. To create physical perfection is one thing but I had no control over the mental state of my planned Guardian. Even beauty personified would lose its appeal if the personality was not equally attractive. You know of course that I needn't have worried. Yue is beautiful in every sense of the word as I understand it, pure, regal, elegant, powerful, controlled - I know you can't see it but I'm smiling, the dopey, intoxicated grin of a youth many, many times my junior...an expression I'm glad is hidden behind the mask of Eriol's child-like face.  
  
When I first saw Yue through my reincarnation I saw changes, he was far colder, his eyes frozen, mouth unsmiling, I was almost relieved, no-one would stand a chance with him because he clung to steadfastly to his grief and my memory, I think perhaps if left to his own devices he would never have admitted the human into his heart but then I don't think he ever truly did, it was Yukito that supplied the key, opened the door and welcomed love. Yue's heart is not merely his own and as soon as one form felt the affection so did the other, the demonstrations of it were simply different.  
  
How bizarre that I should at times detest the false form for it. Needless to say, I'm not smiling anymore.  
  
The worst 'betrayal' though, was by my own reincarnation. Yue came to me, as I had known he would. He asked questions I had long ago predicted and I had answers long since prepared and far different from the ones my child form permitted me to say. Where he learned to do it I know not but I was bound and gagged within his mind throughout the whole encounter. I was helpless as he turned my love away and then I was furious, I vowed that as soon as I was free again (for I knew he could not keep the restraint upon me up for long) then I would seek out my creation and say the *real* answers. That I still loved him, wanted him, needed him. That he was mine and always would be. . .and vice versa. Eriol surprised me again however, I share a mind with him and yet it seems he has found a way to keep his secrets. His control over me lasted only five hours and when I managed to surface the plane to England was already taking off and his choice of mate, this Kaho, was sat beside us holding his hand, MY hand, which I promptly snatched away. She knew why, she knew exactly. . .I hate that, that condescending pity, patronising understanding, how could she understand? How could anyone!?  
  
She ceased looking at me and turned instead to enrage me with her perfect profile. "He will be very happy with Touya, Clow-sama."  
  
I felt trapped, not by the plane, by my reincarnation. I was imprisoned within what was partially my own body! Clow swallowed desperately and calmed his hectic breathing. "He would be happier with me." I fumed.  
  
There are some people with whom it will never matter how calm you become, how focused you make yourself because that person will always be twice as serene, like a rock-pool that the ocean rages around. Kaho was one of those people. She shook her head slowly.  
  
"No, you just like to think he would. Yue has been alone for a very long time, it is only with Yukito's help he has learned to love again and only with Touya's encouragement that he is willing to continue learning."  
  
He closed his eyes though he really wanted to cover his ears "The final battle is finished. He and I can be together now."  
  
The damned amateur priestess actually had the gall to smile!  
  
"When he would have given the moon to be with you, you threw him away. He paid for your decision then...you are paying for it now."  
  
"It wasn't easy for me either you know!" Clow choked furiously.  
  
"Perhaps you shouldn't have been so blasé about your decision then."  
  
"It was my time to die!"  
  
"Precisely."  
  
Clow was too busy blinking in confusion to give into the annoyance that the woman had somehow gained the upper hand.  
  
"Care to elaborate on that?"  
  
Gracious as ever Kaho complied. "You died. Yue didn't. He's lived with your mistake for decades. It may be that it will take you just as long to get over him but you should at least be happy that he has found someone worthy of him."  
  
A nerve began to beat in the sorcerers jaw. "Enough." He rasped.  
  
Kaho's soft voice was underlayed with steel. "Your selfishness surprises me. I thought you loved him."  
  
"We were made for each other, literally."  
  
She shook her head again. "Wrong again Clow, he was made for you, you were not made for him."  
  
"*I* made him!"  
  
"Precisely."  
  
"Stop saying that!"  
  
"Then listen to your own words and you'll realise that they explain everything."  
  
"Do they now?" Clow sniffed derisively. "Then pray hit me with your bountiful wisdom."  
  
"I don't doubt that Yue is your ideal partner. You made him after all. But he didn't make you, or chose you-."  
  
"I never forced him to be with me!"  
  
"I never said you did. I know Yue loved you, what I mean to say is that perhaps his feelings for you were influenced by the fact you created him, you were his master...and you were the only person he saw often enough to fall in love wi-."  
  
"No Kaho," the young woman stopped when she heard the quiet pleading in the mage's voice. "I will concede the point but please don't try to cheapen what we had...Yue loved me voluntarily. I know it."  
  
Kaho stared hard at him. "The only true explanation lies with Yue. I was just trying to make it easier for you."  
  
"Easier?" Clow slumped dejectedly inside Eriol's child body. "Impossible. Yue is-."  
  
"Your true love. Your reason for everything. The source of your every thought and dream." For a moment he thought she'd stopped then she continued as though reciting a long, well known list. "He's there when you look at the moon...even when you look at the sun. He's everywhere you look and yet..." The glossy lips curled at the corners. "And yet you can't seem to find the exact colour of his eyes anywhere else...you worry that you'll never see that shade again...but 'which shade?' you begin to think. They changed so often. Curiosity, lavender. Anger, lilac. Passion, plum..." She looked at him again and her evident pity failed to anger him.  
  
"How do you know all this?" His voice was hoarse.  
  
"Eriol. This separation hurts him as much as you."  
  
"How ca-."  
  
"He shares more with you that any reincarnation would wish. . .including your heart."  
  
"...Eriol loves Yue." Clow breathed.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then why does he n-."  
  
"Because he wishes to be his own person, to make his own choices and one difference between him and you is that he is far less selfish so he is affording Yue the same opportunity."  
  
"And your happy being second best?"  
  
"If Eriol can bear it so can I."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Eriol gave up Yue, I have given up-."  
  
"Touya!"  
  
She nodded. "Foresight is a double edged sword. I foresaw another love for him, a true love and I. . .I left him, I hurt him in the hope I would burn my bridges so that if I was weak and came back to him I would find the way to his heart barred forever to any but one, one rare and special friend that planted the seed of friendship that would grow without either of them knowing it into love."  
  
Clow looked pointedly out of the window, staring blindly at the passing, agonising miles.  
  
Kaho was like a bloodhound but more subtle and more vicious. She continued. "No matter how strong I thought I was though," she paused to chuckle humourlessly, "Touya still took my breath away. Our first encounter shook my resolve until I saw them together and they not only stole my breath but my heart too. For once I felt older than Touya, I'd never seen him so positive of his own feelings and yet so uncertain of another's." Clow squeezed his eyes closed, please, please stop he begged mentally. He was selfish, he knew that. He was weak, he didn't care. He was in love, that was all he could think or feel. The thought of Yue with another it -...it crippled him.  
  
"I've never seen anything like it Clow-sama." Her voice shook with sincerity. "They were like two halves of a jigsaw and Touya was finally whole...perhaps it was the same for Yue."  
  
Stop. No more. His head was pounding, his heart was in tatters.  
  
"I confess I've seen very little of Yukito and even less of Yue but some things can't be hidden even by those as adept at it as your moon creation." Amazing how the most quiet people can become very talkative on the most painful topics isn't it?  
  
"Touya always hovers protectively around those he cares about but with Yukito he was blatantly possessive! Yukito never said anything but there was knowledge behind his smile." The usually serious women was really getting into her analysis now while Clow sank further and further into his seat.  
  
"With Yue it was even more interesting, Touya isn't used to being the one being looked after. Two such dominant people together is a volatile combination but Touya feels enough reverence and admiration to be flattered at being protected. With Yue beginning to soften up now Touya's awe is turning to love, which is what Yue needs. I don't think you realise how withdrawn he's become. So cold, untouchable...untouchable on every level. But that's what he needs Clow, to be loved and to be touche-."  
  
"ENOUGH!" Clow's control snapped at this point he knew she was goading him to feel something other than desolation. Anger. He lunged at her. "I advise you to hold your tongue or I will bring this entire plane down, understood?" She was silent after that although they both knew it was an empty threat.  
  
  
  
After discovering that tossing and turning inside an alternative body was not comfortable for either party Yue transformed. His heart was a little too troubled to hide it from his false form and he'd conveniently forgotten about the presence of the snow-rabbits bed partner. Fortunately Touya didn't stir...unfortunately he was still wrapped around the now transformed Guardian.  
  
Hoe. It was a good thing he didn't need to breath because Touya certainly left very little room for it.  
  
He blew his fringe out of his eyes. It was so hot! He felt like a tiny rodent in a nest, a step down from a Judgement Maker but he wasn't about to complain... although he did wonder how a human such as Kaho had managed to survive such a hold. Kaho? He frowned, what made him think of her?  
  
The grip around his torso proved that it was indeed possible to cuddle tighter as Touya shifted and rolled onto his back pulling his captive with him until Yue was sprawled across his chest. The Guardian shifted his legs slowly and froze when the human's sleepy eyes opened.  
  
"Yue?" This was accompanied by a frankly bemused expression. The moon being could only nod. The expression became ridiculously self-satisfied. "Who would have thought you'd be so cuddly." Large hands splayed out across his back. His words became slurred before they stopped completely leaving a contented smile as the only indicator that they were ever there.  
  
  
  
We arrived at the English mansion hours ago, Kaho is asleep on the other side of Eriol's enormous bed and I am once again in full control either because the reincarnation is exhausted or because he is pointedly allowing me time to consider my next move. I could leave, I could go to him...  
  
  
  
Yue awoke to the sun on his face, a sensation he had not experience in over a century and that wasn't the only beam he was under. Touya was staring at him in a manner that suggested he'd been doing so for hours, a smile curving his lips.  
  
Suddenly Yue felt painfully shy, unable to bear the scrutiny he turned his head slightly and pressed it into the pillow. All he could hear was Touya's rich chuckle.  
  
"Silly Angel." He murmured leaning close to the Guardians jewelled ear and pressing a warm kiss beneath it. "Still hiding...?"  
  
"No." Yue mumbled through fabric and feathers.  
  
"Then look at me."  
  
Yue looked up and focused on a spot near the human's chin...although he inevitably ended up watching his mouth.  
  
"Yue." The youth scolded mockingly. "I've been looking at your face for ages, I think its only fair that you look your fill on mine."  
  
All Touya did was was catch his chin in his fingers and flick his thumb over the creation's flushed cheekbone but that was enough to cause an obvious shiver to wrack his body. The Guardian stared back at him, trying his best to ignore his own trembling.  
  
"You're so sensitive." Touya marvelled.  
  
"I'm...I'm just not used to that."  
  
"What?"  
  
'T-touch. Being touched."  
  
"How long has it been?" The ageless eyes held his steadfastly, it would be impossible to guess whether the answer was months or millennia they were so unreadable.  
  
"Long enough to forget how it feels." Yue whispered.  
  
Touya moved his fingers again. "I'm always here to remind you Yue...when you wish me to."  
  
The Guardian bit his lip, once more avoiding the the intense blue gaze. "A- and if I do wish you to?"  
  
The human smiled gently. "You'll have given me the greatest gift imaginable."  
  
Again, nervous hesitation. "Then I hope you like your present Toya."  
  
A callused palm cradled his hot cheek. "I couldn't fail to. You've been on every birthday and christmas list since I first looked at the moon and wanted it for myself."  
  
"Then," Yue paused to shift closer to the larger body. "Happy birthday," he planted a kiss on the tanned forehead. "Merry Christmas." He moved down slightly to kiss the tip of his nose, "and," he looked deep into Touya's startled eyes. "And here's your present."  
  
The youth was very glad that his mouth had long since dropped open with surprise when it was met with a tentative but generous kiss from the Guardian. Clumsily gathering his wits Touya encouraged the creation, coaxing a little more confidence into the action with one hand behind the silver head. A small but expressive whimper and another shiver rewarded his efforts before they broke apart and for the first time ever he was able to hear Yue breathing...heavily. Touya moved his hand to tug at the binding on the Guardian's hair.  
  
"Can I unwrap you now?" He murmured huskily, already beginning to free the tresses so that they pooled around the both of them.  
  
  
  
Clow could feel Eriol stirring in the recesses of his rapidly plotting mind. He could call one of the cards to him, the Fly perhaps, there might be some lingering loyalty - no wait, he could seize power from Eriol! How though? He could bombard him with images of what he was giving up, images of Yue tousled and smiling in the morning...at the risk of his own sanity however. He could -  
  
"Accept it." Eriol's voice surprised him. "I know everything you would do because its exactly what my heart is telling me too. I'm listening to my head Clow, you should too. We never deserved him and this will be the one good thing we ever did for him."  
  
- I could call out to Yue, he would hear it and surely he would come back to -  
  
"To what? You? Me? Don't flatter yourself. Why would he leave Touya for us?" Eriol's voice was rife with self-disgust. "Dream your dreams if you must, think of Yue when I am with Kaho but know this, we will *never* see him again."  
  
- I could -  
  
"Let him go."  
  
-I couldn't -  
  
"Clow," the reincarnation sighed turning to look over his sleeping partner and longingly out of the East facing window. "He doesn't belong to us any more."  
  
  
  
"Do you remember how it feels now Yue?" Touya murmured across a short pillow distance towards his lover. He could only make out one eye and a wide smile behind the tousled nest off hair. "Did I jog your memory?"  
  
"No," Yue sighed, nuzzling into the human's neck. "You made a whole new one."  
  
  
  
Clow watched bitterly as his reincarnation chatted with his substitue love oh-so politely over lunch. With all the passion of a pair of sloths.  
  
Nothing would satisfy me of course, everything would compare unfavourably with Yue....  
  
...I shouldn't have made him beautiful, I shouldn't have made him perfect...I should NOT have fallen in love with him, if not for that, I would not be suffering so much now.  
  
What's that you say? 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?'  
  
Try it. 


End file.
